Communication: what matters

The art of communication

Birds sing, dogs bark, cats purr. But they cannot speak. Language goes beyond simple communication. Only humans have the ability to speak and understand. Language awakens feelings, establishes a relationship and promotes understanding. It is a gift that can open or close the door to others.

There are situations in which it is better to say something. Other times, silence may be the best option. The art of good communication is the ability to truly meet the other person: Through words, facial expressions, gestures and compassion. It consists of the constant interplay of give and take. And it requires the willingness to tune into the other person with great sensitivity. There are honest words that build you up, but they can also have a destructive effect if they are spoken unkindly, with bad intentions and at the wrong time. The meaning of a statement depends on the relationship between the people involved and the context.

It’s not what you say, but how you say it

When we talk, we communicate much more than just the content of our words. Our emotions are revealed through the pitch and nuance of our voice. When we are angry or annoyed, this can usually be recognized by the higher pitch of our voice. When we are afraid, our voice becomes shakier and it becomes higher-pitched when excited.
But there is more to speech than just using your mouth. We communicate via our facial expressions, posture, gestures and eye contact. Non-verbal communication often happens quite unconsciously and can often reveal more about the other person than lots of words.
And actions speak louder than words. They usually express much more than beautifully spoken words, loving gestures or compassionate looks. In the Acts of the Apostles, we read about the first Christians: “… they would sell their property and possessions and divide them among all according to each one’s need.” (Acts 2:45). The ancient writer Tertullian described the first Christians with the words: “See how they love one another”. Love is indeed a powerful language, whether it is communicated through words, facial expressions, gestures, or deeds.

Openness in communication

St. Ignatius of Loyola, who is also known as the master of communication, describes reverent love as the core of communication: “Love consists of communication from both sides, namely in the fact that the lover gives and shares what he has with the beloved.” The essence of true love is to present yourself to the other person as you are, without fear and without false shame. Openness and transparency create trust. And where there is trust, difficult topics can also be addressed. In particular, engaged couples who intend to get married should be open and honest with each other and not withhold anything important from each person. This includes, above all, formative events such as childhood wounds, previous relationships, infertility, abortion, illnesses and addictions. Deliberately withholding important information would result in a breach of trust in the relationship.

Let love speak

When we say beautiful words to each other, it’s our mouths doing the talking. When we hug each other, it’s our bodies that speak. When we give each other gifts, it’s our hearts that speak. Even sex is a form of communication because sex is a very intimate interaction.
How many problems in marriage would be solved if partners were more sensitive and open to what the other is saying? Pope Francis said: “Often one of the spouses does not need a solution to their problems, but only to be heard. They need to feel that their suffering, their disappointment, their fear, their anger, their hope, their dream has been understood.”

So, how about consciously looking at and listening to the other person again? Just be there for them? Because that’s how God is. He waits until you come, he hears you and yes, sometimes he even says something… if you let him!